"Be okay. Be okay."

There are days that are still really hard.  Days that I get excited because I think I see someone I know in Chick-fil-a or in the checkout line at Target and I realize it can't be them, they're 700 hundred miles away.  Days that I want to show MLK (a.k.a Mama, Lindsay and Kaylyn) my brand new shoes or Piper's awesome new hoodie and I realize, again, that I'll have to wait til Christmas for them to really appreciate it (because skype and facetime just don't do things justice sometimes).   And there are days that I realize how lonely Piper Rosey is for her Tivoli and Cutler or just some kind of friends to play with.  Those are the hardest days.

But today... Today is not one of those days.

Today is a good day.

Thank you, Jesus, for good days.

And for video chat.  Thank you a million times for video chat.

"Sunshine, lollipops, rainbows and lemon drops."

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-- think about such things."

Know what?  I got the sadness out of my system for now.  I'm back to thinking about the things I'm looking forward to.  I'm gonna share those things so I don't get bogged down in the sad stuff.  Life's too short to always be thinking about sad things. 

If I ever read this when I am sad, I will want to punch myself in the face.  Sorry future self.

I'm excited about being in Evansville for the fall.  

I'm excited about the leaves changing.

I'm excited about it actually being truly cold for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

I'm excited about sweaters and jackets.

I'm excited about big, open skies. 

I'm excited about the clear air that makes everything look brighter.

I'm excited about living in the apartment for a while.

I'm excited about living near Janet, Mark, Christopher and Casey.

I'm excited about Walmart.  (The Walmart is super clean.  ...It's the little things)

I'm excited about Turoni's pizza.

I'm excited about Donut Bank.  

I'm excited about Target Supercenter.

I'm excited about looking for a house.  

I'm excited about blowing up Pinterest with all my plans for our new house.

I'm excited about going to Trees and Trends with Janet.

I'm excited about getting involved at church as a family.

I'm excited about the (hopefully not so intense) summer's.

I'm excited about snow.

I'm excited about singing "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas" and knowing it could happen.  It could happen, dangit!

I'm excited about weekend road trips.

I'm excited about coming home for Christmas.

I'm excited about meeting everybody in Disney for family vacations.

Most of all, I'm excited that Carey won't have to travel anymore.  

I'm excited that we'll be able to go to church... as a family... on a Wednesday night.

I'm excited that he'll get up and go to work in the morning and then ::GASP:: come home in the afternoon.

I'm excited that he'll get to play with Piper while I cook supper.

I'm excited about sitting down to eat, every night, as a family.

I'm excited to watch TV together every night.

I'm excited about nightly walks or bike rides.

I'm excited about renting a movie, ordering pizza and having a movie date night... on a Tuesday night.

I'm excited that he'll need me to iron his work clothes for him.

I'm excited to hang his clothes in the closet.

I'm excited that Piper will wake up calling Dah and he'll be there to answer her. 

I'm excited about being together.

The things I'll miss.

This is a list of things I'll miss when we move to Indiana.  Feeling a little bummed out tonight and thought if I write it out it'll make me feel better.  I read somewhere that writing it out helps. 

Here goes...

I'll miss Halloween in this house.  I'll miss carving pumpkins in our backyard, with the tiki torches and fire pit lit and the stereo system playing our ridiculously uncool Grooveshark Halloween playlist.  I'll miss having our family Halloween party here, with all of us dressing up and letting Tivoli hand out candy to the trick or treaters. 

I'll miss this house that we've griped and complained over more than we've appreciated.  I'll miss it's cozy, homey, small house feel.  

I'll miss Piper's room every time I remember sitting in there before she was born, wondering what it would be like when she finally was here.  I'll miss the way it smells like her in there. 

I'll miss riding to Krispy Kreme and then to the beach with Lindsay, Tivoli, Cutler and Mama every week during the summer.

I'll miss the beach.

I'll miss being 4 hours from Disney and being able to take last minute, "just a quick trip there" vacations.

I'll miss the long springs and probably even the mild winters.  

I'll miss the marsh smell.

I'll miss Homegoods and its wonderfully early displays of Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas decorations.

I'll miss all our doctors that I feel like I worked so hard to find.

I'll miss Soho and it's grilled cheese sandwich with a side of tomato basil soup.

I'll miss downtown.  

I'll miss Baker's Pride and those darn petit fours.

I'll miss having Kaylyn or Gable randomly stop by to play with Piper for a minute.

I'll miss having a whole family of babysitters within 10 minutes of us.

I'll miss my fellow mama-friends, Sara and Winter, and our lunch/play dates.

I'll miss seeing Piper get SO excited to see Tivoli and Cutler, even though she just saw them yesterday.

I'll miss my Tee-bo and Cutler-man. I'll miss them coming to our house to play every week.

I'll miss being able to ask Piper "you wanna go see Nonnie and Doodah, Uncle Dude and Aunt Boop?" basically every other night of the week.

I'll miss spending pretty much every day with Lindsay.  I'll miss our ::cue circus music:: trips with the children to Walmart and Target for groceries.

Most of all, I'll miss Lindsay. I'll miss Mama.  I'll miss Kaylyn.  I'll miss Gable and Daddy and Chace.  I'll miss them most when I know they're all getting together one night just to eat supper.

I'll miss all the things that I've never given a second thought to.

It hasn't made me feel better, P.S.  It's clear to me now that the writer of that article is a doofus.

To my Pipes.

Piper Rosey,

We watch Veggie Tales a lot lately.  You like to bounce up and down to the theme song and you clap when it's over.  Veggie Tales is a fun show, isn't it Dolly?   It's entertaining, fun to sing along to and has a good messages to teach.  

If you're anything like I was, there will probably be many nights in our future that we are up at 2am singing "God is bigger than the boogie man" after a bad dream.  And really, when is it not a good occasion to sing "Stand up! Stand up! For what you believe in... believe in... believe in God... He's the one to back you up! ..will stand with you. He'll stand with you"  We should always remember that.   And it's good that Larry and Bob remind you that "God made you special and He loves you very much".  He does, girlie, and He HAS made you special.   

There is one thing I would like to explain to you about that, though.   God is a good God, Pipes. Until you know it for yourself, you will just have to trust mama.  He is good.  And He is such a good God that He has made us each special to Him.  But, girlie, we do nothing on our own to make us special.   Always try to remember that you are special because HE made you that way.  Try to remember to be thankful to the big God who made the whole universe... who tells the night when to end, the flowers when to bloom and the sun when to shine. Be thankful that this same God made you, Piper Rosey.  The One who made you and said "This one will be especially friendly and kind."    What I'm saying is, don't be thankful that you are special. Be thankful that God created you just as you are and His love is what makes you so special.   

I hope some day you will know all of this for yourself.  Not because Mama and Da tell you so, but because Jesus has told your heart it's so.

I love you more than I can ever tell you, Piper Rose, and I'm glad He's made you mine.

Mama

All kinds of lame

Confession:

1. I love Star Trek Voyager.  I watch it all the way through on Netflix and then start the series over again.  It never gets old to me.  When I'm saying goodbye to a family member or friend that I won't see for a while, in the back of my head I hear Tuvok saying "Live long and prosper" and I could almost shed a tear.  

2.  I think about Disney all the time.  It's especially bad when I know we won't be going for a few months.  And yes, I realize how incredibly spoiled I sound.. stop judging me.   I've recently discovered some apps you can download that let you listen to Disney World park and resort background music.  Can you imagine my joy?    I basically let it play all day long.   My favorite is when they play old recordings of Walt Disney reading and messing up his narration for certain rides.   Oh... Walt.   (It's ok. We're on a first name basis)

3. I have this thing that drives me crazy. I call it "the straw effect".  Let's imagine you and I are sitting down at a table to eat and the waitress sets our drinks and the straws that stick out of the drink right in front of us.   Chances are I'm either going to move the drinks off to the side or start squinting really weirdly, because if those straws get in my line of vision I nearly go cross-eyed.   I can't even concentrate.   Or as another example...   It's raining out.  But not hard, just an occasional drop now and then.  This is my nightmare because chances are good that one rain drop will fall right in my line of vision on the window while I'm trying to drive. Then when I turn the windshield wipers on, another one falls in the same place right as the window is clear.    If you ever see me squinting and making a stupid looking face with the windshield wipers on high in a slight drizzle, you'll know what's going on. 

Just thinking out loud.

Ever thought about what a powerful thing it is to be able to say "I know Jesus"?   Not just that "I know OF Jesus" but that "I KNOW Jesus".  It's like... "SAAAANTA, I know him! I know him!" except, you know... with Jesus. And in a bit more serious tone maybe.  

And it means not only do I know Him but He also knows me.  

Carey was recently talking about how our church culture sometimes creates this caricature of this person named Jesus, who's so far from what Jesus really is He's unrecognizable.  But He's not that.  He's Jesus.  The King.  The Savior.  The perfect man who walked on earth and went through all the same struggles and all the temptations we face. The man who decided that He loved us enough to go through unspeakable pain.  He died such a humiliating death and all of it was so that we wouldn't have to be separated from Him.       

Good grief.

...Lord, I don't think about or appreciate it enough.  Thank you for seeking me out, for pursuing me when I stray and for forgiving me for the millionth time for the same stupid sin and then going one step further and casting it as far as the east is from the west.   Thank you for knowing me. 

Most of all thank you for letting me know you.  Please help me bring you pleasure, 'cause you are worthy of all I am able to give. I praise your Holy name.

Greetings from Sunshine.

Well friends..  it's been almost three months since I last wrote on this here blog.  You've been sitting around impatient for me to write another post, haven't you?   I know.   I'm sorry.  I'll make it up to you by writing the longest, most boring blog post ever written by any one up to this point in history.  

Actually, I imagine no one has even noticed.  I haven't.  I kinda forgot I had a blog.  But now I have updates about Piper so it has reminded me of why I started doing this in the first place.

The end.  This is awkward.

Anyway, so we've had a terrible last few weeks.  That's a horrible thing to start out with but it's the truth, DANGIT, and I need somebody else to hear about it besides Carey and mama.  

Carey's gotten a new client recently that requires him to be in southern Florida a lot.  Enough that the hospital is letting us just rent a condo instead of a hotel room.   Oh and is it ever a sweet condo, friends and family.  It's on the 14th floor overlooking a harbor and has a view of the sunset on the back porch.   

So because of all this, me and Piper have had to get used to living in two places.  Not so much Carey.  He would be happy anywhere. This is where Piper got her easy going nature from, which is why she has done splendidly.   She travels really well.  Loves to watch Pluto cartoons and wave at me in the mirror on her headrest. It's precious.

Unfortunately, I'm not so precious.  I'm pretty much the biggest brat ever when it comes to any kind of changes.  I get super stressed out and moan and groan over every little inconvenience.  The bad thing is that I know as I'm acting like a 3 year old that I'm acting like a 3 year old and I actually get disgusted with myself but I can't gather up enough self control to stop myself from acting like a crazy person and just calm the heck down.   Which makes me get angrier about the whole situation.   I don't even know exactly why the whole thing has me feeling so stressed out.  I LOVE our set up down there.  It's this great vacation destination for people (also known as retired yankees) and we don't go anywhere without having several people (retired yankee grandparents) stop to talk with Piper.  So basically, it is a super friendly place and it's hard to feel lonely.   Also, mama and daddy have come down pretty much every time me and Piper are there. And now even Gable has been asigned to a job there and is pretty much having to live there for the next few weeks.   

So you see, it's basically the greatest temporary set up ever.

And still, I continue to do the sorryest(sorriest?) of jobs at "blooming where you're planted."  Unfortunately, this is the story of my life, thus far.
...Stupid phrase.  

Anywho, so in the midst of all this change, Piper has gotten sick with another cold.   It's been exactly the same pattern as the one she got a couple months ago.   She has stayed sick for about 3 weeks.   Probably would still be sick if the doctor hadn't put her on an antibiotic (all of this having to be done over the phone because we were in Florida)  And even with that, we're probably going to have to go see the doctor again because now she's acting like her ear is bothering her.   But the wonderful thing about Piper is that, even at her worst, she's really not that hard to handle.   And she hasn't really been at her worst this time around either.  She acts fine.  As if she isn't sick at all.   Smiles and laughs and plays contentedly wherever she is.

So you see, I don't even have that as a reason to justify my behavior.

And then shortly after she got sick, Carey and I got sick, although they had it a lot longer and a lot worse than me.

Then last week, Carey and I came to the conclusion that we were being cruel to keep Buddy and Ferb because we don't have the time to pay them the attention they ought to be getting.   When we're in Florida they barely ever get to go outside because we live in a condo and they're too much for me to be able to handle with Piper in tow.   So, we started looking for a new home for them.   One lady let us believe she was ready to take them and then at the last minute (literally.  We were leaving our parking garage when she emailed us) told us she needs to think about it some more.    

Uh, no ma'am, we said. You don't get to be rude and inconsiderate and then be given MORE time to think about it.   That's what we said.  Because we're sassy like that.

I did find another lady who wanted just Ferb.  She has two other little dogs and is retired and she and her husband take their dogs every where and they're her babies who probably get tucked into bed every night with a kiss on the forehead and two books.    ...So we decided to split up the fellas since that was just too good a home to pass up for the Ferbie.   I'd like to think he lived happily ever after but I just try not to think about it because it makes my heart hurt.  

Also, we decided to keep Buddy.   In case you're wondering.

Then I found out I apparently have shingles and because Piper is so young and hasn't had her chicken pox vaccine, I risk giving her chicken pox every time I hold or kiss her.    REALLY?!

P.S.  Shingles hurts like a mother and I only have a tiny patch of it. How does a mother hurt exactly?  I'm just wondering.

Then I decided this weekend was a good one to go to Disney World, because that makes perfect sense with all of us being sick, right?   It was fun though.   Hot and crowded, but fun with lots of cute video and pictures of Piper pointing and saying Oooo! just like I do.  That's something new she's doing and it is also precious.

And all of that has led me to the whole reason I decided to write this which is that the moment we drove onto Disney property Piper Rose Casey decided to say Mama for the first time ever.

::CHOIR SINGING::

It was magical.   In Disney, friends.    IN DISNEY!    Can you even imagine how much that memory makes me happy?  Put yourself into the shoes of a pathetic, 27 year old who loves Disney more than she loves cookies...  More than she loves petit-fours from Baker's pride.   ...Ok, just trust me that it's a lot and it made me want to shed a tear.   And so now I go to sleep with her little voice in my head saying ma-ma ma-ma. 

But all of this leads me back to my original question of, why do I feel so tightly wound?   Why can I not get a hold of myself and act like an adult about things.    Put my big girl panties on and deal with the tiny, tiny inconvenience of change.  

Then tonight we get home and find that our AC is completely dead and we're now going to sleep in a house that is 81 degrees.  

...Which is hotter than it is outside.

....We would be cooler if we slept outside.

Perfect.

I cannot even imagine what it will feel like tomorrow at midday.

Try as I might, I can't work on self control and being joyful in all circumstances when I'm sweating.  

So happy flippin' springtime, everybody and yay to stupid Savannah summers.



....I'm sorry, Lord. I'm gonna try harder....